6:54 PM | Posted by
some girlMar 17, 2014
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I woke up dizzy again
Sent a message to all my friends
Said 'Tell me it'll be alright'
I breathed in air and time
Waiting for their reply
Should I make a fist or make a flight?
Friend or foe
Why can't you go
And leave me alone?
Today is longer than yesterday
By a thousand years at least
And tomorrow feels forever away
When I'm staring down this beast
I searched for a face I knew
But everyone just looks like you
Their eyes are filled with fear
I've prayed a thousand times
That someday I'll wake up alive
But I am still right here
One day I know
And soon I hope
This place will feel like home
Today is longer than yesterday
By a thousand years at least
And tomorrow feels forever away
When I'm staring down this beast
I see the sun but
I can't wake up
No I can't get out of this bed
But I can not sleep for
The fear in my dreams
Will not leave this head
Make it stop
Make it stop
Make it stop
Make it stop
Today is longer than yesterday
By a thousand years at least
And tomorrow feels forever away
When I'm staring down this beast
And it's staring back at me.
–
Songwriting is cathartic. When there's no pressure, when you just take your feelings and put them into minor chords and go all emo for a while, there's a sort of peace that floats along with it.
This song, if it's not clear, is about a less-than-healthy mental state. Depression/anxiety, call it what you will, this is how the 'Beast' has preyed on me at times and so I wrote about it. I'll probably upload a recording when I get around to it.
I wrote it last year in the middle of an oval on my ukulele, just singing my feelings in the midst of my frustrating depression.
The other one I uploaded, 'Pepper//Terry' is about a girl I knew, even if it was only barely. But she impacted my life so much in my journey to work with youth in the brief time that I knew her. She was full of life and made me laugh constantly, but hers was already a tragic story before she was killed in a high speed car accident along with two others.
I wrote it this past weekend at the Surrender conference, which I immensely enjoyed, though spent much time feeling mournful. I've wanted to write a song about my encounters with this girl for a long time, but I could never get it right - I still don't think I've hit the nail on the head (because how can you do something like someone's life and death and impact justice?) but it's what it is.
–
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Like fire the pepper burns my tongue
Your smile laughs at what I've done
I hope that you can find some hope tonight
As we sing all these words about the light
But you're spinning out of control
Shouldn't have to know this pain at only 14 years old
You're spinning out of control
Just trying to find a home for your soul
The call comes early on a Friday in my car
This time you've gone too far
And it's too late now there's nothing I can do
Maybe this life was just too hard for you to hold on to
You're spinning out of control
It's too soon though, you're only 16 years old
Now you're spinning out of control
Down the highway too fast you lost your hold
We drive all morning and stay the afternoon
We've got seats saved just behind row two
The song they play says we'll find Someone Like You
But I don't think that's true
Now I'm spinning out of control
Thought I'd have it sorted by 23 years old
I'm spinning out of control
And the pepper burns like fire in my soul
The pepper burns like fire in my soul
The pepper burns like fire for your soul
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About Me
- some girl
- Just trying to figure this whole thing out and getting it wrong along the way.