This is the prayer I pray when I can not pray

When all is turned to sleep
When sleep is turned to empty
Empty that can't be filled
Yet

When the feelings stop before they turn into words
When the words stop before they can fall from the cracking precipice

When my soul is dehydrated
So thirsty it can not get up

This is the prayer I pray when I can not pray

When I close my eyes to remember that You Were
And try to believe that You Are

When I sing the hymns and strum the chords that were once a rhythm and dance
When my Way of Life
Becomes my Way of Avoiding Death

The prayer I pray when I can not pray doesn't begin with
Heavenly Father
Doesn't end with
Amen

It doesn't contain repentance or requests

The prayer I pray when I can not pray
Is a nod of the head
A blink of the eye
A beat of the heart
The tossing and turning of a restless spirit
It is the frustrated turning of the pages as I try to focus on some relevant words among the thous and thees
The tears of ache that the minor notes bring
The remorse of my infidelity

The prayer I pray when I can not pray
Is in the holding back of my tongue
In the gentle touch I offer my friend
In the compassionate heart I leave out uncovered in the open

The prayer I pray when I can not pray
Is in the wind as it teases
Is in my breath when I sigh
In my eyes when I see beautiful things
In my heart when I feel beautiful

The prayer I pray when I can not pray
Is a recollection of all the prayers I have ever prayed for the future
Can that not be enough, for now?

Because apart from beat and breath, I have no hold from which to offer prayer

The prayer I pray
When I can not pray
Is