Aug 6, 2013
I'm sorry, I can't slow down my erratic thoughts.

Despite being on a decidedly un-enjoyable rollercoaster ride right now, there are so many blessings in my life. This is going beyond trying to 'think positive!'ly about the fact that I have food on my plate and a bed to sleep in: these facts don't change anything, and much less when the food on my plate remains uneaten and the bed to sleep in is more of a place to toss and turn in and out of nightmares.

Hope that's not too melodramatic.

Nevertheless, there are many many more things which would show what a 'good' life I lead, and while I try to remember what these things are, they simply have no effect on my thoughts and feelings. As a positive attitude advocate, this strikes me as strange every single day I wake in panic.

The blessings I mentioned at the start are not these facts I've just talked about. The real blessings in my life right now are people. My family and my friends.

I'm blessed with a family who, not matter how dysfunctional, loves me unconditionally.
I'm blessed with a mother who spares no expense to see me well.
I'm blessed with sisters who have never-ending grace, patience, and couches to spend the night.
I'm blessed with house-mates who don't expect me to be anyone other than myself.
I'm blessed with friends who aren't scared by my current state, but ask me whenever they can if there's anything they can do, reminding me that they won't up and leave.

I'm simply blessed with so many people who, when I can't see who I am or what hope there is, see it for me. Who carry my crosses and give me their faith when I've run out.

I am blessed.


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