Aug 25, 2013
Oh no
How did we get here?
After all I've said and done and written and celebrated...
I'm feeling like a zombie
I'm feeling like I'm watching this all from behind a glass wall where I simply remember things like happiness
I feel like I'm the only one on this side of the glass
Noise, light, taste... It's all muffled and jumbled
Thought, peace, clarity... It's all tangled and broken
Oh my sweet brain, if only I knew how to fix you
I'm not sure that I know how to fully live this life when I can't trust even my own thoughts

I like to call today Day 1 of Medicine
How many days there will be, I have no idea... But today is
Such an unmixable and motley crew of emotions and sensations... They leave me feeling
What am I supposed to do? Living by simply continuing to breathe and eat seems like a start, but what next? What do I do when the nature of things is that I don't, or can't, do anything? How do I make the struggle worthwhile, and is that my job? Because I definitely feel an obligation to get it right, to give back, to serve and exceed.

But I can't do it just yet, so what do I do in the meantime? How long is the meantime? I hate this limbo more than anything... If there was an end in sight, there would be a goal.

I am sad for the child who was excited to grow up. I am sorry that this is what she got.


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